Although people show themselves for who they are at a particular moment, our mind gets a kick out of painting a different Picasso of them. It’s that sugar rush I like to call chemistry. Life often imitates art, but the life we give to someone in our mind isn’t quite the same as the real life canvas.
Maya Angelou said something (I know, many things) profound. I was a teenager when I first heard it and although I understood what she was saying, it didn’t really resonate in me until I matured a bit. “People show you who they are early on, we just CHOOSE not to see it” (and I’m paraphrasing here).
Attraction to an individual can be so strong that we make that apparent chemistry equal to “this person must be my soul mate”. We, in turn, allow ourselves to go through delusions. “Pain equals love” and “He/she will change once I prove myself…” I liken chemistry to pop rocks. Initially, we are turned on by this firecracker type magic going on in our mouths. That electric feeling makes you go for it again and again. It gets your attention! That doesn’t mean that it serves any other purpose than to get you excited, and that certainly doesn’t mean it’s good for you (pop tarts have zero nutritional value and the last I heard, someone died when they ate it then drank soda! Hey, that’s what I heard). Too much of anything, even when it feels good, isn’t healthy. Chemistry overload, anyone?
Chemistry, just like pop rocks, wakes us up! Chemistry stirs up our soul for a far greater reason than a lingering high. Maybe what you’re feeling is a preview of something to come. Maybe that person came around to teach a valuable life lesson and that’s it. Sometimes, chemistry’s feeling is so great, so unusual, that our sole purpose, it seems, is to seek out that feeling again and again, ignoring the side affects that may come with it (sounds like any drug addiction, right?) When in search of our soul mate, we are blinded by the presentation and the feeling of the person, ignoring all the potentially harmful ingredients.
I once dated a man that I had tons in common with. He felt real good and our chemistry was even greater. He felt so good that I conveniently ignored the fact that he told me, in so many words, that he still wasn’t completely over his ex and because of that, he would have a hard time letting himself commit to another. Well certainly he feels what I’m feeling and this feeling will eventually get him over his ex. Besides, why else would he be hanging out with me? (duh).
Weeks to turn to months and I was continually referred to as his “friend” and nothing more. Sure we were cool but friends? We weren’t friends, we were lovers…right? This chemistry means more than a friendship…or so it seems. Then the high subsides for just enough time for me to realize this was the same guy who told me from date # 2 or 3 that he couldn’t commit. Damn, sweet candy sure can cloud your sight.
Don’ t get me wrong, chemistry is a great thing; it’s an essential beginning to any healthy, long lasting relationship. However when chemistry keeps you so high that you can’t see the sky is falling from under you, it’s time to put down the pipe, go back into the lab (heart and mind) and reformulate the ingredients to good love.