Halloween

I wear big sunglasses to hide the glare of sadness that can blind the sun.

I wear a big smile to hide the pains from wails that are sure to come.

I wear a positive attitude because it goes so well with the smile.

Beneath the mask of self assurance, negativity looms all the while.

I wear the hope of tomorrow because today seems all wrong and is sure to pass.

But underneath tomorrow’s hope, doubt sure does creep up fast.

I wear great patience, some have even told me I have the patience of Job.

I laugh at that because unlike Job, I question God, will you ever lighten this load?

See, every day is Halloween for me, no need to wait until the end of October.

It’s so much easier to make believe and act like my thoughts are sober.

Come one, come all to my masquerade ball as I extend an open invitation.

Just know that what you see in here is a damn good imitation of everything you thought you ever wanted in a woman.

But if you come a little closer, under the façade is a whole other woman.

But what you see on the outside can only be if the inner has life.

Behind the doubt, guilt and pain are huge flickers of light.

I truly pray that you are not confused with all the layers of me.

Day by day through God’s good grace, I grow and realize I know longer desire Halloween.

I will wear what I truly am: Love, peace and honesty and a smile that is as real as the morning sun permeates to the core of me.

If you are willing to walk with me, with a raw, untapped potential.

The mask you thought was your forever will not compare to love’s essentials.

© 2008 Before I Wake Publishing

Fear...NOT!!

My, My, My...it's been a while, hasn't it? Good and insightful things come to those who wait.

How can you fear something you do not know? I mean, most people fear death, financial ruin, heights severe illness, or even the boogeyman, yet most people have NEVER experienced them. Follow me here: Experience is the only thing that makes such incidents appear real. I've never experienced physical death( I know, I know. No one likes when someone dies because we are left to felt alone, sad and the such, but we STILL don't know what death feels like...obviously) so how can I perceive its' woes? I've never been terminally ill, been on a sinking ship or had a serious encounter with serial killer, so to say I fear the unknown is a double negative: one cannot fear something unless the experience becomes tangible. And what if you have been on the sinking Titanic or have beaten cancer? Can you still say you fear it?

I can tell ya. I've been broke. It stinks. I have been without the love from a man...lame. But I do not fear it. I dislike it. I prefer not to have the previously listed instances occur because through my experiences i can testify that to me, it's most unfavorable. However I cannot tell you how the boogeyman creeps me out or how it feels to be shot because I simply do not know the feeling. What I do know of those things are the testimony of others through their experiences or even more bizarre, their perception of their experiences.

Speaking of perception, how many things that you believe you fear come from constant years of people telling you how it felt to them? or perhaps your fear comes from what you read or what you see on television? Think about it....a little more...ok. Almost all our fears are solely based on our mental conditioning, yes, mine included. But it's alright. It's never too soon to change how we see things. When we change our vision, we change our perception. when we change our perception, we change our entire life!

I was told that fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real... the past is history(cannot be changed) the future is a mystery(unknown therefore unreal)and today is a gift. Why so? The only real thing in our possession is NOW. This moment is the only immutable truth. Tomorrow is an illusion because it hasn't happened yet. So to fear something that hasn't occurred means we aren't living at all. Crazy right? The only thing that separates us from those labeled 'crazy' or 'mentally unstable' is there thoughts and illusions are spoken aloud and ours lie dormant...that is, until our fears manifest themselves into all we imagined them to be...and more. So guard your thoughts and more so leave behind the concept of fear. There's simply no such thing. As I write to you, I write to myself.

Peace, People.

SahshaJay