Halloween

I wear big sunglasses to hide the glare of sadness that can blind the sun.

I wear a big smile to hide the pains from wails that are sure to come.

I wear a positive attitude because it goes so well with the smile.

Beneath the mask of self assurance, negativity looms all the while.

I wear the hope of tomorrow because today seems all wrong and is sure to pass.

But underneath tomorrow’s hope, doubt sure does creep up fast.

I wear great patience, some have even told me I have the patience of Job.

I laugh at that because unlike Job, I question God, will you ever lighten this load?

See, every day is Halloween for me, no need to wait until the end of October.

It’s so much easier to make believe and act like my thoughts are sober.

Come one, come all to my masquerade ball as I extend an open invitation.

Just know that what you see in here is a damn good imitation of everything you thought you ever wanted in a woman.

But if you come a little closer, under the façade is a whole other woman.

But what you see on the outside can only be if the inner has life.

Behind the doubt, guilt and pain are huge flickers of light.

I truly pray that you are not confused with all the layers of me.

Day by day through God’s good grace, I grow and realize I know longer desire Halloween.

I will wear what I truly am: Love, peace and honesty and a smile that is as real as the morning sun permeates to the core of me.

If you are willing to walk with me, with a raw, untapped potential.

The mask you thought was your forever will not compare to love’s essentials.

© 2008 Before I Wake Publishing

Fear...NOT!!

My, My, My...it's been a while, hasn't it? Good and insightful things come to those who wait.

How can you fear something you do not know? I mean, most people fear death, financial ruin, heights severe illness, or even the boogeyman, yet most people have NEVER experienced them. Follow me here: Experience is the only thing that makes such incidents appear real. I've never experienced physical death( I know, I know. No one likes when someone dies because we are left to felt alone, sad and the such, but we STILL don't know what death feels like...obviously) so how can I perceive its' woes? I've never been terminally ill, been on a sinking ship or had a serious encounter with serial killer, so to say I fear the unknown is a double negative: one cannot fear something unless the experience becomes tangible. And what if you have been on the sinking Titanic or have beaten cancer? Can you still say you fear it?

I can tell ya. I've been broke. It stinks. I have been without the love from a man...lame. But I do not fear it. I dislike it. I prefer not to have the previously listed instances occur because through my experiences i can testify that to me, it's most unfavorable. However I cannot tell you how the boogeyman creeps me out or how it feels to be shot because I simply do not know the feeling. What I do know of those things are the testimony of others through their experiences or even more bizarre, their perception of their experiences.

Speaking of perception, how many things that you believe you fear come from constant years of people telling you how it felt to them? or perhaps your fear comes from what you read or what you see on television? Think about it....a little more...ok. Almost all our fears are solely based on our mental conditioning, yes, mine included. But it's alright. It's never too soon to change how we see things. When we change our vision, we change our perception. when we change our perception, we change our entire life!

I was told that fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real... the past is history(cannot be changed) the future is a mystery(unknown therefore unreal)and today is a gift. Why so? The only real thing in our possession is NOW. This moment is the only immutable truth. Tomorrow is an illusion because it hasn't happened yet. So to fear something that hasn't occurred means we aren't living at all. Crazy right? The only thing that separates us from those labeled 'crazy' or 'mentally unstable' is there thoughts and illusions are spoken aloud and ours lie dormant...that is, until our fears manifest themselves into all we imagined them to be...and more. So guard your thoughts and more so leave behind the concept of fear. There's simply no such thing. As I write to you, I write to myself.

Peace, People.

SahshaJay

Promises you choose not to keep

I've had this lingering thought for a couple of weeks now. Sometimes i'm not sure where in the hell the thought is gonna take me, but my sediments are real and my point is simple.
Folks always want something for nothing, ya know. This comes to mind when i think of the word commitment. Many people, especially those who tend to whine frequently as a means of releasing frustration, LOVE to complain about how someone didnt stick to there words or didnt follow through with something, subsequently painting a picture of their subject as BAD. Why didnt they stick to their word? Who knows. But the one thing I do know is we, as mere humans, cannot expect someone to follow through on their promise if we cannot keep a promise to ourselves. Huh you might say? NO. think about it. How many times have we started a project only not to finish it? How many times have we promised to do something, only to have an extraordinary reason to break the promise? Reasons aside, how many times have you not followed through with what you said you would? To yourself even? Broken a workout plan? Cheated on a mate for the umpteenth time? Promise to pray and meditate daily only to get distracted by "things"? Hell, does, " Imma call you back" sound familiar?? Yeah, I'm speaking to you. (heck and me too)

All I do know is we can only expect from others what we expect and manifest of ourselves. How much easier is it for us to make a plan and execute it thoroughly than to break it? How many more days and years will we make excuses for not following through with something, but be upset when someone doesnt keep their word?? Our word is our only bond. Its been that way since the beginning of time. Lets not just talk about it, lets be about it...or don't say a damn thing at all!

God Is Love.

This is Sahsha with another thought.

Pushing forward,
SahshaJay

Random Hip Hop Follies

Ok,Ok. For those that know me, they know i'm a bit old school. For those that do not know me, I'm a bit old school. I like old school music, old school discipline and most old school ways..(i.e., cooking a meal 5 to 6 days a week, only leaning towards fast food(and i use the word food lightly)one day a week, saying your prayers in the morning, before a meal, and before you lay your head down to sleep, a guy courting a woman, etc...)which leads me to the brief(after reading it, maybe not so brief), yet poignant blog.

Recently I read in Vibe magazine(see what standing in long lines at the grocery store will do to ya?) that a young chap named Shad Gregory Moss, aka, Lil Bow Wow, aka, Bow Wow has a way with the women...or maybe no way at all. When the celebrity sees a woman he likes, he makes eye contact with the potential suitee then...GETS HIS ASSISTANT, ANTHONY TO APPRAOCH THE WOMAN FOR HIM! Correct me if i'm incorrect, but does that jive to you? Bow wow, of such status, clearly only lower than God almighty, cannot talk to a lady he likes...just because he's Bow Wow?? I do declare, that is something interesting, isnt it? But the crazy reality is, people, is that it works! Girls(not to get confused with ladies) will talk to him through a mediator!

Have you all ever listented to a song over and over again, not really paying attention to all the lyrics until one random day? One random day, all the words stand out to you, and you actualy realize what your singing along to...That happened to me. Not too long ago, I was listening to Rick Ross'latest song(in which in do like...the music especially)" Magnificent" featuring John Legend. What a mellow smooth song...until you hear the bump in the lyrical road. He says(and i'm paraphrasing)that the majority of the cars that he owns hasn't any miles on them....so lemme get this straight. You own tons of cars that you, or no one else cleary drives, just because???? Please Ricky Ross, tell me why? The recession doesnt affect him, but lack of poor judgement in the name of depreciated pieces of metal stored in a garage does!

Call this my lament, Call this my view, type in your opinion...but whatever you do LAUGH YOUR HIND END OFF... OR CRY AT THE MINDSET OF OUR YOUNG AND RICH.

This is SahshaJay signing out!

This is for the Bottle Poppers

Time certainly flies, doesn't it? One minute i'm writing about the end of 2008 and the next minute, it's darn near the middle of 2009. My bad, people, my bad. But this I can tell you: This has been an interesting year thus far, filled with unexpected bumps, bruises, victories and most recently, violations!(hahaha, this is a funny one, y'all)

Uptown Saturday Night(literally)
It was a mildly warm saturday evening and the vibe was right to step out on the town. My girl, Kiana, had a girl in town, so the setting was perfect for entertaining. We decided on hitting up a spot to mingle, grab a drink, and enjoy the music. When we got to this popular Atlanta spot, we get in, no hassle,thanks to one of the promoters.

Libations, it is!

We get a drink and toast to the bon vie(the good life for those who dont know french;i dont either, but it's a title to a popular 80's dance song.) The place wasnt' crowded yet, so we were able to have conversation without screaming over one another. After our second drink, we decided to walk to the VIP(very important person is what it typically stands for but this night it might stand for voluntary ignorant people)area to sit on the plush,black leather seats. Why not? the couch was unoccupied. Three minutes into resting our backsides on the couch, a young, young, lady approached us. Evidently she was one of the staff. " Excuse me, are you all buying a bottle?" "No", we quickly replied in unison. " Well," she interjected, " This area is reserved for the BOTTLE POPPERS!" The look on my face was a mixture of " you got to be kidding me" coupled with" Are bottle poppers a new psuedo breed of people?" Once she said that, merry ole Kiana said to her " Ok. When someone comes to sit here, we will happily get up." The young, young lady walked away. Onward with our nights, tushes resting on the couch.
Two minutes after her three minutes, a gentleman in a suit approached us. He, evidently, was a member of the security staff. " We are recieving a complaint that you all wont get up! THIS AREA IS RESERVED FOR THE BOTTLE POPPERS!" Oh boy, i thought. This new breed of people must be awfully important. Earth Angels? Members of Jesus's army? Shape Shifters? "Sir", I began. " There is no one here. Once these BOTTLE POPPERS emerge, we will kindly get up. But since your feathers are getting ruffled into one huge goose down for a king size bed, we'll get up now." (The last part i didnt say to him,but i wish i was that verbally savvy at the moment) " Ma'am, i just doing what i was told".
No worries, brotha. The three of us laughed, got up and stood next to the super human seating, nodding our heads to the music. Mind you, we were good and safe to be in the VIP area, but not good enough to be sitting there.
I thought I had left all this behind in Los Angeles. Hollywood has landed. Its now also known as Atlanta, Ga.
We are all light hearted ladies, so we laughed at the silliness of the situation. As we were standing, Mr. security came up to us and said," you ladies can sit down." A sudden change of heart? Behind him was a rather smooth looking brotha...he got that well seasoned look. He approached us and said, "Please sit down. The young lady who first approached you all is new and doesn't quite understand the rules..." Lawry's (well seasoned, get it? hahaha) was actually the owner of the venue. So polite and daper was he, that he made us forget that we were treated like sub humans with this BOTTLE POPPERS rule. He introduced himself, and we reciprocated. Not only was he apologetic, but he was courteous. He got us a bottle of white wine and our own table...until, of course, the actual BOTTLE POPPERS came in and bought us out. All was well, though. He invited us into the ULTRA VIP(back to very important persons) area where we had a BIGGER couch AND we got to invite all of our friends into our world on the big, comfy couch. Isnt that ironic?

Moral of the story? Not sure. You guys come up with one. I just know that it pays to keep your cool and be who you are in this world of psuedo races and super humans. Big up to Mr. Lawry's and Mr. DJ, as the night sailed along.