Shut Up, Sahsha!

Twenty- four hours without a word. (I did utter the word “damn” while I was working on the computer and accidentally closed out of a window) I suppose that should have been good enough reason for a girl who likes talking to just continue, but I didn’t. I stuck with the plan, rather the unction of my spirit to just be quiet.
In 2008 I read a story about a free spirited, eco friendly man who decided to stop talking for a day. His one day turned into a seventeen year journey in which he gave up driving as well. In silence, he walked and sailed around the world earning a Ph.D in the process. We can’t always explain what moves us, but his story certainly moved me. “One day I’m going to do that”, I said to myself…”one day”.

I woke up Monday morning after having a disagreement with a close friend. I was a bit frazzled by the words expressed the night before. As opposed to taking the route of reconciling our disagreement to the notion of “that cat is trippin’!” somewhere, something in me wanted to dig deeper, to get a more authentic reason for the “argument”. Often times when a disagreement occurs with another person (which is rare for me, I might add), I can justify the “why this person is wrong” all to myself; not this time. I felt I had to take an alternative route to finding the answer. So as I woke up, an even toned voice said to me “be quiet Sahsha”. I immediately knew what it meant. My day of silence had come. Since I had a few meetings already set up for Monday, I decided to postpone my silence until Tuesday. There wasn’t any real preparation involved, except sending a few people a text letting them know that I will be vocally out of commission for a day. I also prayed. This silence had to have some kind of purpose. I asked God not only give me a sign that this quiet time was necessary, but I also wanted it to show me something I didn’t know, but needed to know. For added resistance I decided not to have my phone on either.

Thank goodness for mothers! When I woke up that morning, my mom had already explained my silence to my nephews, so upon seeing them, they said, “good morning, Tia!” I smiled and gave them a hug. They knew I wasn’t talking and they didn’t care (for the most part). They felt my love in the hug I gave them. As the morning progressed without a word, I realized I could hear my thoughts more clearly, as if they had a chance to breathe life into themselves. No other opinion counted, not even my spoken word. My thoughts received their answer from the same voice that told me to be quiet. The less talking I did, the more I was able to hear. Useless chatter can be a detrimental bitch.

Throughout the day, I used gestures and a pen and pad to communicate with my family. Oddly enough, everyone except my youngest nephew understood all my gestures. Having to write down everything you want to express can be troublesome, so I limited my “conversation” to only the things that needed to be expressed at that moment. That’s something I want to do even now that I’m talking. Only say what’s needed.

I did a lot of reading too. I like to read, but I don’t make time to do it as much as I used to. I came across articles on the earthquakes going on around the world and how they are shifting the earth’s axis, which in turn, is shortening our days by milliseconds. I also read something on what men really mean when they say things like, “It’s ok” and “I’m going to call you later” and they don’t (lol), in addition to an article that was forwarded to me from a friend. The article spoke on spirituality. It stated, “You will begin to communicate more with the Heart and the Feelings, with intuition, than with words…Silence will become as important as words. The ability to be in silence and to feel the energy of Love in that silence will become more important…”
“Wow!” I thought. I can dig that! I immediately took that passage as confirmation of this day being right on track. Interestingly enough (but not coincidentally) I received an email from another friend on the west coast. She sends out motivational passages and scriptures daily but I don’t read them daily… if at all. The email was titled “Watch your language.” I laughed…in silence, of course. The reading referenced a scripture I had never heard of, but boy was it poignant. In a multitude of words transgression is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is prudent.
– Proverbs 10:19

I was tickled by all the “revelations” I received in reading, while an indescribable peace lingered with me throughout the day. Maybe it’s because I didn’t feel I had to have an answer to everything. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn’t so mesmerized by the sound of my own, raspy, smart aleck mouth as I thought I was… maybe it was the “revelations”? Or maybe it was because I was just letting things be. Who knows? The one thing I know is that you don’t have to have an answer to everything, as long as it feels right. I discovered that words can be awfully deceiving. How many times have we let ourselves become upset at what someone says, thinking (or wishing) they meant something else? How many more times have we said, “well what I MEANT to say was…” My gestures and touches were clearly understood that day, more than words could translate. For a girl who thinks a lot, almost incessantly, the coolest thing about this adventure was the less I spoke, the less I thought. For whatever reason, I didn’t have the addictive desire to wonder about the next event, the next trip, 2012, the next writing assignment, next due date on a bill or next activity at the boys’ school. My mind was on a vacation. A well deserved vacation. And although I didn’t get an obvious answer as to why my friend and I had a “falling out”, if it had anything to do with my desire to be quiet for a day, the “fall out” just had to happen. It had an order, and in that order is an answer that I will most likely feel before he ever has the words to explain it, albeit it come later than sooner. We have the responsibility to choose our words wisely like we choose our fruits or our lovers, for their irreversible effects last with us a lifetime. The entire universe was created with a word, so speak only things you wish to create. As the old saying goes, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!” Or more simply put, just shut up every now and then!

13 things I've learned in 33 years

I celebrate my birthday’s every year, but what have I learned while on this planet? This is a cool way to track the progress of my journey. Maybe I’ll do this every year…but knowing me, who knows. I move like the wind, or as Smokey says, “…like a butterfly caught up in a hurricane.” Thank God for another year, another chance to grow, another opportunity to add to this list next year. Capre Diem!

13 things I've learned in 33 years...

1.) You’re what you know yourself to be. If you don’t know yourself in this exact moment, whether you are what you want to be or not, you not living…you’re simply existing.

2.) Do not accept an invitation to go to breakfast, lunch, or dinner with a kat you’re not remotely interested in. Honor your time and his/hers. (I know, you also want to honor your belly too, right?)

3.) Welcome the unexpected. More often than not, it’s an opportunity to grow.

4.) Music Makes Me High.

5.) Love makes things happen.

6.) Do things for people on a regular basis that they can NEVER pay you back for. (Thanks, Derek!)

7.) Some People live for the moment. I live for the feeling.

8.) Action after your prayers is necessary for manifestation.

9.) I really like and appreciate simplicity.

10.) Read all the signs carefully. Ignore them now, cry later.

11.) I love to travel. More than television, even more than shopping! Traveling is great soul food.

12.) Just because their family doesn’t mean you have to like them, but you should keep on loving them!

13.) And there’s still so many things for me to learn!

Giving God thanks for another year,

SahshaJay

Beyond Haiti

Whether its publicized or not, whether its personal or not, tragedy is something that we will all have to face. But there is a certain affect that wide spread tragedy and mass disaster has on us. There is a place it allows our minds and hearts to go, making us question who we really if we really believe that we are "our brother's keeper".

Haiti, a country with a population of about 9 million is no stranger to hard times and challenging days. Political strife, poverty, and civil wars are what most people know about it, but to many, Haiti is simply home. Beautiful landscape and weather, great food and music, and family fills the land that is now, due to yesterday's massive earth quake, covered in rubble. All of a sudden, the trials of our life don't seem so bad. It would be nice if we can take that view on our lives daily..." Things aren't so bad". Change your perspective.

So many of us are connected to despair;and certainly it shouldn't take a tragedy such as this to awaken us to needs of the less fortunate.No matter how much or how little you believe you have, there is always something we can do to assist in helping our brothers and sisters, whether they're next door or across the ocean. What are you going to do?

My family comes from a nation where they're not as financially "blessed" as the United States. Shout out to all my people who are first, second, and third generation immigrants and came to The United States to make a better way for themselves. With your better way, lets show the nations who have been hit with recent natural disaster: Haiti, Samoa, The Phillipines, India, Africa, etc that there is a better way, a light at the end of the tunnel.

For information on who you can help the earthquake victims of Haiti, Please contact the Red Cross.

Spread Love,
SahshaJay

Halloween

I wear big sunglasses to hide the glare of sadness that can blind the sun.

I wear a big smile to hide the pains from wails that are sure to come.

I wear a positive attitude because it goes so well with the smile.

Beneath the mask of self assurance, negativity looms all the while.

I wear the hope of tomorrow because today seems all wrong and is sure to pass.

But underneath tomorrow’s hope, doubt sure does creep up fast.

I wear great patience, some have even told me I have the patience of Job.

I laugh at that because unlike Job, I question God, will you ever lighten this load?

See, every day is Halloween for me, no need to wait until the end of October.

It’s so much easier to make believe and act like my thoughts are sober.

Come one, come all to my masquerade ball as I extend an open invitation.

Just know that what you see in here is a damn good imitation of everything you thought you ever wanted in a woman.

But if you come a little closer, under the façade is a whole other woman.

But what you see on the outside can only be if the inner has life.

Behind the doubt, guilt and pain are huge flickers of light.

I truly pray that you are not confused with all the layers of me.

Day by day through God’s good grace, I grow and realize I know longer desire Halloween.

I will wear what I truly am: Love, peace and honesty and a smile that is as real as the morning sun permeates to the core of me.

If you are willing to walk with me, with a raw, untapped potential.

The mask you thought was your forever will not compare to love’s essentials.

© 2008 Before I Wake Publishing

Fear...NOT!!

My, My, My...it's been a while, hasn't it? Good and insightful things come to those who wait.

How can you fear something you do not know? I mean, most people fear death, financial ruin, heights severe illness, or even the boogeyman, yet most people have NEVER experienced them. Follow me here: Experience is the only thing that makes such incidents appear real. I've never experienced physical death( I know, I know. No one likes when someone dies because we are left to felt alone, sad and the such, but we STILL don't know what death feels like...obviously) so how can I perceive its' woes? I've never been terminally ill, been on a sinking ship or had a serious encounter with serial killer, so to say I fear the unknown is a double negative: one cannot fear something unless the experience becomes tangible. And what if you have been on the sinking Titanic or have beaten cancer? Can you still say you fear it?

I can tell ya. I've been broke. It stinks. I have been without the love from a man...lame. But I do not fear it. I dislike it. I prefer not to have the previously listed instances occur because through my experiences i can testify that to me, it's most unfavorable. However I cannot tell you how the boogeyman creeps me out or how it feels to be shot because I simply do not know the feeling. What I do know of those things are the testimony of others through their experiences or even more bizarre, their perception of their experiences.

Speaking of perception, how many things that you believe you fear come from constant years of people telling you how it felt to them? or perhaps your fear comes from what you read or what you see on television? Think about it....a little more...ok. Almost all our fears are solely based on our mental conditioning, yes, mine included. But it's alright. It's never too soon to change how we see things. When we change our vision, we change our perception. when we change our perception, we change our entire life!

I was told that fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real... the past is history(cannot be changed) the future is a mystery(unknown therefore unreal)and today is a gift. Why so? The only real thing in our possession is NOW. This moment is the only immutable truth. Tomorrow is an illusion because it hasn't happened yet. So to fear something that hasn't occurred means we aren't living at all. Crazy right? The only thing that separates us from those labeled 'crazy' or 'mentally unstable' is there thoughts and illusions are spoken aloud and ours lie dormant...that is, until our fears manifest themselves into all we imagined them to be...and more. So guard your thoughts and more so leave behind the concept of fear. There's simply no such thing. As I write to you, I write to myself.

Peace, People.

SahshaJay

Promises you choose not to keep

I've had this lingering thought for a couple of weeks now. Sometimes i'm not sure where in the hell the thought is gonna take me, but my sediments are real and my point is simple.
Folks always want something for nothing, ya know. This comes to mind when i think of the word commitment. Many people, especially those who tend to whine frequently as a means of releasing frustration, LOVE to complain about how someone didnt stick to there words or didnt follow through with something, subsequently painting a picture of their subject as BAD. Why didnt they stick to their word? Who knows. But the one thing I do know is we, as mere humans, cannot expect someone to follow through on their promise if we cannot keep a promise to ourselves. Huh you might say? NO. think about it. How many times have we started a project only not to finish it? How many times have we promised to do something, only to have an extraordinary reason to break the promise? Reasons aside, how many times have you not followed through with what you said you would? To yourself even? Broken a workout plan? Cheated on a mate for the umpteenth time? Promise to pray and meditate daily only to get distracted by "things"? Hell, does, " Imma call you back" sound familiar?? Yeah, I'm speaking to you. (heck and me too)

All I do know is we can only expect from others what we expect and manifest of ourselves. How much easier is it for us to make a plan and execute it thoroughly than to break it? How many more days and years will we make excuses for not following through with something, but be upset when someone doesnt keep their word?? Our word is our only bond. Its been that way since the beginning of time. Lets not just talk about it, lets be about it...or don't say a damn thing at all!

God Is Love.

This is Sahsha with another thought.

Pushing forward,
SahshaJay

Random Hip Hop Follies

Ok,Ok. For those that know me, they know i'm a bit old school. For those that do not know me, I'm a bit old school. I like old school music, old school discipline and most old school ways..(i.e., cooking a meal 5 to 6 days a week, only leaning towards fast food(and i use the word food lightly)one day a week, saying your prayers in the morning, before a meal, and before you lay your head down to sleep, a guy courting a woman, etc...)which leads me to the brief(after reading it, maybe not so brief), yet poignant blog.

Recently I read in Vibe magazine(see what standing in long lines at the grocery store will do to ya?) that a young chap named Shad Gregory Moss, aka, Lil Bow Wow, aka, Bow Wow has a way with the women...or maybe no way at all. When the celebrity sees a woman he likes, he makes eye contact with the potential suitee then...GETS HIS ASSISTANT, ANTHONY TO APPRAOCH THE WOMAN FOR HIM! Correct me if i'm incorrect, but does that jive to you? Bow wow, of such status, clearly only lower than God almighty, cannot talk to a lady he likes...just because he's Bow Wow?? I do declare, that is something interesting, isnt it? But the crazy reality is, people, is that it works! Girls(not to get confused with ladies) will talk to him through a mediator!

Have you all ever listented to a song over and over again, not really paying attention to all the lyrics until one random day? One random day, all the words stand out to you, and you actualy realize what your singing along to...That happened to me. Not too long ago, I was listening to Rick Ross'latest song(in which in do like...the music especially)" Magnificent" featuring John Legend. What a mellow smooth song...until you hear the bump in the lyrical road. He says(and i'm paraphrasing)that the majority of the cars that he owns hasn't any miles on them....so lemme get this straight. You own tons of cars that you, or no one else cleary drives, just because???? Please Ricky Ross, tell me why? The recession doesnt affect him, but lack of poor judgement in the name of depreciated pieces of metal stored in a garage does!

Call this my lament, Call this my view, type in your opinion...but whatever you do LAUGH YOUR HIND END OFF... OR CRY AT THE MINDSET OF OUR YOUNG AND RICH.

This is SahshaJay signing out!